‘Hello, Dear’ Isn’t Harmless - Professional Boundaries Are a Learned Skill

“Hello Dear. What do you do?” landed in my LinkedIn inbox.

I paused. I felt irritated, and then briefly angry.

Not because it was shocking. But because it was familiar.

Most women on professional platforms deal with messages like this by the dozens. And we ignore them. We archive, delete, move on... because responding feels tiring, and explaining feels unnecessary.

But this time I stopped and asked myself, “Why should I shrink or disengage when the tone is what’s misaligned?” I decided to explore other ways to establish boundaries - without blocking, without confrontation, and without disappearing.

And here’s what I’ve learnt actually works.

A few Do’s and Don’ts for handling these situations:

DO keep your response factual and neutral - IF you choose to reply

You don’t need to be warm to be polite. In this case, I replied:

“I work in the leadership development and image consulting space. My work is outlined on my profile.”

No emotion. No invitation. Just clarity.

DON’T start with “Thank you for your message” 

It rewards a tone that doesn’t merit encouragement. Neutral is not rude.

DO redirect to purpose quickly

If there’s a genuine professional reason for reaching out, it will surface. Example:

“If this is regarding a professional query, please feel free to share details.”

DO allow silence to do its job

If the conversation doesn’t course-correct, not replying is a boundary.

DON’T carry the emotional burden of fixing the interaction

You don’t need to soften it, rescue it, or explain why it felt off to the other person.

As women we’ve been conditioned to smooth edges, accommodate tone, and keep interactions pleasant, even when something feels misaligned. But professionalism isn’t about being pleasing. It’s about being clear.

I’ve added a short cheat list below, with practical ways to respond when tone crosses a professional boundary.

And remember, setting boundaries doesn’t make you rude. It makes you intentional.

LinkedIn Boundaries: Practical Reply Cheat List

When the opening is over-familiar

Message: “What do you do?”

Reply options (choose based on firmness):

• Redirecting:

  “If you have a professional query, please feel free to share specifics.”

• Minimal:

  “My work is outlined on my profile.”

Avoid:“Thank you for your message”

When someone slides into casual conversation

Message: Small talk with no purpose

Reply:

• “Let me know if there’s a specific professional reason for connecting.”

• Or don’t reply at all.

👉 Silence is a boundary.

When the message is persistent but vague

Message: Repeated “Hi”, “Hello?”

Reply:

• “Could you please share what this is regarding?”

• If it continues without clarity → disengage.

When your discomfort is subtle but real, it’s worth paying attention to it. If you feel hesitant, irritated, or mentally drained before replying, that reaction is information. Remember, you’re not required to match tone, explain your discomfort, educate the other person, or be “nice” to them.

A quick note: This post isn’t about judgement or about calling anyone out. Many messages are sent with no harm meant at all.

It’s simply a reminder that on professional platforms, tone and wording matter. Sometimes what’s meant casually can come across as crossing a professional boundary.

Remember, good intentions don’t always translate clearly in writing, especially online. Especially when context is missing.